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Society # 37

June 29th, 2009 · No Comments

amy, me

June 2009

Andrea, who is from Romania, has had education in more fields than anyone I know: accounting, nutrition, architecture, massage therapy and chemistry (I think there are even more than that, but that’s all I can recall). This is something that I discovered while having sushi with her and Marcus. Marcus told us that over the past 16 years, he has owned 37 different vehicles. Andrea says that you can tell a lot about what a guy subconsciously likes in a girl based on his car.

On the bus I saw a chubby young lady with a very serious demeanor, wearing a yellow rain slicker cap (like fishermen wear) and carrying an enormous blue, stuffed wooly mammoth. There was not a cloud in the sky.

Meredith knows how to tie a tie better than most men. My dad only ties his ties once and then leaves them tied. I have a tie that I borrowed from my dad and never gave back that has probably been knotted for 30 years. Meredith knows how to tie ties because she used to wear them at school. She says that she really wanted to attend private school, but her parents would not let her. Therefore, she decided to start wearing private school uniforms to public school as a compromise. My Aunt Chris told me that one of the only items she still owns from her father is a pair of red suspenders. Gloria Kim once made a not so subtle suggestion to her father by purchasing him a pair of nose hair clippers for christmas.

Marcus and Sarah Hudson’s dryer broke on exactly the same day and neither can figure out what the problem is. I’d been idling for months on the idea of purchasing a red bicycle from Shaw Flick. And then one day I had a dream about the bike and decided it was time to make a move. That very next day, I learned that Shaw had just sold the bicycle. For the fourth time, and at complete random, I have coincidentally run into a girl named Austine, each time in a different region of the United States. Austine is from Naples, New York, well-known for their concord grape pies and says she knows Bleu Cease, who is also from Naples. We met originally in San Francisco, and then ran into each other at a bar in Rocheser, NY and then on a street in Brooklyn (where she was about to depart on a red-eye for Mexico City to visit a man named Raoul), and then once again on a public bus in Portland, Oregon where we were both headed downtown. Each time we have run into each other she has said, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

In the Tabor district, I saw a lost dog sign with a picture of a red pekinese dog. Above the photograph it said, LOST, and beneath it, the text read, “Not actual photo, Princess has more smooshed features.” In the Concordia district I saw a sign that said, FOUND, and beneath the text, there was a picture of a chicken.

Sarah Eastman says that all the boys in portland are babies and she would be impressed if a boy had curtains on his windows.

Olga told me that her friend Molly was living in a hyperminiature apartment in brooklyn with five other girls and that her bed was on the top of a shelf. Later, when I met Molly, I noticed that she had freckles, was wearing a striped dress and had duct tape holding her right shoe together. Olga and Molly told me that there was a mechanical frog on their block that croaked every time someone walked by. In my neighborhood there are a host of real frogs that croak vociferously in the evening. My neighbor is disturbed by the noise and says that it was driving her to drink. In order to dampen the sound she installed a water fountain that gurgles all night long. Joel has a phobia of frogs and one time Abby and I accidentally took him to a diner with frog-themed decor. The wallpaper was a repeating frog-motif.

I was at a convenience store and I bought a one dollar bottle of water so that I could get cash-back. As I was swiping my ATM card and punching in my pin-code I noticed that the buttons on the keypad were very very squishy.

~M.N.

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